mattesque's Diaryland Diary

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for a test drive down michigan ave

home. steamed milk being consumed. usually i just come home check mail and collapse. read for awhile. nothing very exciting or noteworth. and tonight is no different.

i wonder about being creative sometimes. if i am or not. i flip flop on it. i've had ideas before. but they seem solitary. not enough that i would think i'm something. a writer. a designer. a composer. i just gets bits and pieces once and awhile. and then lose focus and it never gets finished or past an idea stage. i have one song finished. i have one book case done. and it feels like that's it. bits and pieces of unfinished things. and when i get the semi-motivation to gather them up and finish i don't have the time. when i do have the time i'm stretching everything out. taking things as slowly as i can so i have something to do the next day. and the next and the next. i seem to go from these serious lack of work times to these serious lack of any kind of free time times. finding that middle ground is hard when your trying to make up for the first part. one day i will. for now i just make little piles of ideas and notes. and i'll figure it all out later.

10:59 pm - 02.05.2003

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